Tag Archives: milestones

Lost

So…

I’ve been keeping a secret. A deep dark secret. A secret that I did not let a single person in on. Not a one. A secret that has torn me up inside and made me feel worse and worse by the day. It was literally making me sick at times. It was a secret that I kept pushing further and further down every time it attempted to claw its way back up into my conscious thought. A secret that I couldn’t let myself think about for fear that I if I did think about it, I would become so overcome with it that I just didn’t trust myself with what I would do.

I lost my engagement ring.

I lost the most expensive thing I own (next to my car. I don’t actually know how much the ring cost, but I know it was a few pretty pennies). But far, far more than that, I lost the symbol of everything that Pte Goof and I have been through.  I lost the thing that Pte Goof spent all his money on to show me how much he loved me no matter what.

Pte Goof and I got together in August of ’07. It was just such an easy, fun thing that I figured would just be until I went back to school a little over a month later.  I had never had a fling before, in fact, I had always been quite against them, but the 8 months I had spent at University had done much to open my eyes to a new way to look at the world. And although I was still pretty uptight compared to the rest of the world, I figured I could hang out with this hot guy with the cute silver Chevy Cavalier (don’t tell him I called it cute) who seemed to actually have an interest in me, fool around a bit, then head back off to University and all the fun guys and booze there.

In a matter of weeks though, I was head over heels in love with this guy, and found myself giving him my v-card, when it was just supposed to be a little fooling around before heading back to school.

Let’s zip along to the spring of ’08. I had decided not to go back to school for various personal reasons (and not because I had fallen in love with a super hot guy back home, don’t listen to anyone who says it was because of him!). But I was working my ass off at a job I loved, and screwing my man every chance I got. I was having so much fun really, even if I was running myself into the ground working 60 hours a week at a very physical job, staying out all hours with my very physical man.

In May he went to coffee with Miss Stiles. He and she wanted to get to know each other better,  since she was one of my bffs and he was being heralded as “possibly ‘the one'”. In fact, I already knew he was the one, I just wasn’t telling anyone yet, because I didn’t want to hear a chorus of “it’s too soon” and “you’re too young”. I found out much later that Miss Stile and he had discussed his intentions. They had talked about a future wedding and engagement ring (Pte Goof told her that my bridesmaids would have to wear purple, my favourite colour). My Dear Miss Stiles convinced him that I needed a flat ring, because I was so clumsy that anything that had a big rock  I would catch and injure myself. This is probably the best thing that Miss Stiles has ever done for me, because, I hate to admit it to many women who have a huge ring, but I don’t like big stones. I just don’t like the way they look. But Pte Goof has expensive tastes, and loves to show them off. Had they not talked about this he probably would have bought me the biggest stone he could afford!

He bought me a beautiful ring. One with three diamonds that were flush with the band. At the end of June he was due to leave for boot camp and he really wanted to be more committed to me before he left. This ring used up most of his savings (after he totaled his dear cavalier and paid it off) , and it was a promise ring. A promise to love me forever and a promise for our future life together. It summed up our somewhat new, but totally devoted relationship, and all that he hoped for it. He planned to give it to me on my birthday in early June.

Then.

Then. Before my birthday, before my lovely ring was given to me, I took that test. The one that completely changed everything about our relationship. So when he gave me the ring, in the parking lot of my old elementary school in my crappy Plymouth Sundance, it was still a promise ring, but it meant so much more. And 3 weeks later,  when he proposed, just days before he left for boot camp, and could not possibly afford another ring so fine, I got a trinket, one that means so much to me personally, but that doesn’t get worn like my promise ring.

Because of this my promise ring has become so much more. It is both a promise ring and an engagement ring all at once. It is absolutely beautiful, and I love how right Goof got it when he picked it out. The only problem is that we got it sized shortly after he gave it to me, I was pregnant and evidently retaining water. It has been way too big for most of the time I’ve owned it, and so I don’t often wear it for fear of loosing it. Were it to slip off when I was out sometime I could never forgive myself.

And yet it happened. I wasn’t really sure when, just one day the thought occurred to me that I had no idea when the last time I wore it was or when the last time I wore it was. I checked all the places I usually keep it (A grand total of 3 possible places in our apartment). No luck. I was certain  it had to be somewhere. Guys, I felt like shit. Then suddenly we were moving, and I knew, that I would never see my beloved ring again.

And like a coward I couldn’t bring myself to tell Goof. It represented his hard (VERY HARD) earned cash. It represented everything we were together. And I lost it. I know it was cowardly and dishonest of me to keep it from him, but I just couldn’t bring myself to spill the beans.

Time wore on in our new place and I found myself becoming physically ill when I thought about my long-lost ring. How could I possibly be so careless?

But today. Oh today! I decided to use a purse to run to the store that I had not used in AGES. I’m sure you can see where this is going. I’m notorious for not cleaning purses out when I’m done with them. I was digging around in all the shit I had left in this purse and deep down in the inside zippered pocket I FOUND IT! MY DEAR LONG LOST RING! I feel like a GINORMOUS weight had been lifted off my shoulders! I can’t belive what I thought was still back in Ontario, probably in some pawn shop by some ne’er-do-well who found it, was in my hands where it belonged!

DEAR INTERNET! I HAVE FOUND MY RING!

and I couldn’t be happier!

Step by Step

As I previously mentioned Squirt is totally digging this walking thing. right now. When we’re out grocery shopping he gets so frustrated that he can’t walk instead of ride in the cart. It makes shopping a little frustrating because it only takes so long before he’s so fed up with the cart that he starts screeching at the top of his lungs. And I find it very hard to keep my composure when that begins. So the shopping gets hurriedly finished up, and I usually end up forgetting things.

But it’s so cool to see him toddling all over the apartment! He’s at the point that even if there’s a table or couch right there he’ll choose to walk on his own anyway. He’s just SO proud of himself that he can walk. It still excites him every time he does it. He gives a little yell of glee and then his funny little sound he makes when he’s all excited. It’s like a funny little roar that I absolutely love!

It’s sad that Pte Goof is missing it all, but I’m taking lots of pictures and videos for him to see! Too bad he has no internet so he won’t see them until he’s back to his posting, but oh well, at least they’ll be here waiting for him 🙂

Back in the Saddle

Ok, so I’m here. Hopefully you guys will hear a little more from me in the next little while. I almost guarantee you that you will since Pte Goof will be away for a month.

The last little while has been stressful. We thought that Pte Goof was going to be starting his occupational training, and we got him all packed, and took him to his new base only to find out that he actually had to leave on the 17th to go to Manitoba for a month. And had they realized this he could have stayed home until then, but instead was stuck 5 hours from home. We decided Squirt and I would stay there at his sisters during this time since after that we can’t see him at all for a month. It was cozy to say the least as his sister’s place is only a bachelor. And it was stressful because after the first few nights Squirt realized that when he woke up through the night we were right there and he began to refuse to put himself back to sleep. By the last few nights I was only getting a few hours of sleep each night.

But we’re home now, and that stress is easing, but of course the Pte Goof’s away stress is mounting. I hate when he’s gone. I really do. I’m such a baby. Honestly, if we could somehow be together all the time I would snatch that offer up in a heartbeat. Last winter he had a hand injury (to be more exact a boxer’s fracture from when he punched the floor during an argument with me) he was off work for 3 months (!) and I loved it. It sucked because he couldn’t do anything and we had a brand new baby, and Pte Goof was horribly depressed after the death of someone very important to him, but I still loved having him there every single day. Ah well, such is life.

On a happier note Squirt is getting so good at walking! While we were away we got him the cutest pair of shoes because when we’re out shopping or something he so badly wants to walk, but I’m not about to let him walk about those floors in socks! Especially in the winter! So we busted out the new shoes and he has no idea what to make of them! When we put them on and stand him up at very first he flat-out refuses to move. Then he starts to move and he does all these funny kicks like he’s a drunken cancan dancer. It’s hilarious. I can totally tell he’s thinking wtf did you put on my feet woman?