Tag Archives: friends

On Relocating Difficulties

So, I haven’t talked too much about the move. You know, the one half-way across the country?

For various reasons I’ve shied away from the subject.

But it’s been incredibly hard on me. Right now I’m not working and I’m not on base and it’s been insanely hard to meet anyone. I’ve never had to try to make friends before. When you move as a kid (which I never did) or start at a new school (which I only did a couple of times) although it is hard to be the new person, you do get out and see people every single day. And although it can be very difficult to make friends at times (I was not well liked at my elementary school, and still carry deep scars from my time there), you at least interact and eventually, usually, you can find somebody with whom you have a little common ground. I’ve always managed to find at least one person to hang out and giggle with.

But here. Here is so different. Here I don’t know anyone, and my ways to meet them are limited. I only have a car about half the time (less lately). There’s no small town atmosphere that seems to lend itself to more instant camaraderie.  Squirt and I have been attending a toddler/baby group thing at the library, but that can only be done when we have the car, and even though we’ve been a few times, my attempts at conversation with the other moms never really get anywhere. I know I’m socially awkward, but really? No friends for me in a group of about 25 moms every week? Is it because I’m young? Do they judge me for having a baby “too young?” I don’t know.

I know all this is really a bunch of excuses for myself. If I really want some friends I should go out and get them!! But there’s more to it.

I’ve just been so sad since coming here. I’m mad at the army for plucking me from everything I know. I’m upset about the feeling of a lack of control over my life. Truth be told, sometimes I’m a little angry with Goof for being in the army. I’m not proud of it, but it’s the truth. I’m struggling with what feels like a million different things and sometimes it feels like they’re going drown me.

And all of this just makes it so much harder. Harder to get dressed. Harder to shower every day. Harder to get out of the house. Harder to take part in things. Harder to talk to people. Harder to be in groups. Harder to not panic when I say something stupid or awkward (which I always manage to do lol).

So, I have no friends.

Wow, this post was going to be about a walk I took with Squirt this morning, but holy cow, this is just where my fingers took me. I’m glad. I needed to get it out. I needed to complain. Thanks guys for being there to listen to me whine.

Old Friends, or Something Like That

So I have this friend from high school. We had a few classes together throughout our high school careers. I never ever hung out with him outside of school, or even outside of class really, but we got along. We used to flirt like mad (back when I used to flirt with any single guy who would give me the time of day). But he’s well… awkward. Like extremely awkward. He doesn’t quite get social cues. It’s kind of hard to explain.

Anyway, he moved to Guelph, and I haven’t seen him for 3 years, but we talk occasionally on msn. 2 weeks ago he broke his wrist while rollerblading and decided to come home to his parent’s place for a bit since he can’t work and his dominate hand is busted. He insisted that I come out to see him with Squirt since he was in the area. I was hesitant, because although we got along in high school, well to be honest, he’s pretty annoying (I don’t quite get this relationship to be honest with you, in some ways I just can’t stand the guy, but we used to get along so well, and it’s not like he’s changed he’s always been awkward and annoying…)  but he insisted. I was talking to my other bff (I don’t talk about her much on here, but she’s totally the best person ever, and a huge part of my life, she totally deserves her own name here) about this and we wondered how he does it. A few years ago he happened to be in the same province for the summer that she was living in at the time and he totally talked her into driving an hour to see him. Even though she didn’t want to either. Neither of us could figure out how he talks people into these things. I mean, he’s a nice enough guy, it’s not like he’s an ahole or anything, just… well irritating.

So Squirt and I drove the 25 minutes to go see him. I really didn’t want to, but I figured, hey, he’s been bugging me to come visit him in Guelph for like a year now, maybe I can get a visit over with now, and then soon I’ll be moving out of province and it’ll be done.

15 minutes after getting there he started. The tickley, touchy way that we used to behave. You know, back when we were 16 and both single, and it was just silly fun? But we’re not 16 anymore. And I’m not single. It wasn’t like the whole time, just here and there, but It made me so uncomfortable. I’m a 23-year-old mom to a toddler and engaged. I mean, common. But I’m ashamed to admit I didn’t say anything. I certainly didn’t encourage it. I did my best to make it obvious that I wasn’t enjoying it without actually saying it. But I should have. I should have said something. I am engaged for crying out loud. This is no longer appropriate! But, like the chickenshit I am, I didn’t say anything.

He also got mad when I talked about my plans with Pte Goof to likely move to Alberta. He got all pissed off about Pte Goof putting the military ahead of his family. I tried to explain that part of the reason he wants to do well in the military is for his family. I mean sure, it’s partly selfish too because it’s his dream, but obviously when he does well it gives us advantages too. And we decided Alberta was the best for his career. I understand that he’s an old friend and he feels a certain amount of protectiveness or whatever for me, but really, who the hell is he to get mad because Pte Goof and I decided together to move to Alberta?

So now I feel bad. I feel like I didn’t stick up enough for Goof, and I know I should have said something to this guy about how he was tickling me. So I ask you, how should I have dealt with this? What should I have said without being a total bitch to clue him into the fact that I’m at a very different spot in my life than when we sat at the back of biology and he tickled my knees under the lab counter?

It’s Your Choice

Dear Friends,

This is the absolute most annoying phrase to me. This phrase makes me so mad these days. It’s usually preceded by ‘Yeah but’…

Listen friends (a little aside, this post is directed at a few of my friends I know in person, all you lovely bloggy ladies have been nothing but sportive), I know that I chose this. I know that I made the decision to have Pte Goof away all the time, and to have to move God knows where, and to have Squirt hardly see him, and to have to face future deployments, and all the endless list of grievances. I know that I made that choice (even if I was kind of tossed into it).

But the fact that I chose this doesn’t make it much easier (I have to admit had I been forced to do this not of my own free will I’d have a harder time yet). It wasn’t like I said to Pte Goof, ‘You know what would be awesome, if you knocked me up the buggered off to join the army’. And sometimes I need to complain about it. Sometimes I just need you to listen and nod along and say ‘Yeah, it must suck’.

I know it must be annoying and redundant to have me complain once again about how much I miss him. Or how hard it is to parent Squirt all by myself. Or how much I hate the drive to go see him. Or how I’m so not looking forward to moving wherever the army tell me. Or how expensive it is for him to come home. Or, or, or. I’m sure it gets tedious at times. But I listen to you tell me for the millionth time how much you want to loose weight. Or how much you wish you had a girl/boyfriend. Or how you can’t stand living with your parents one more day. I could just say, ‘well that’s your choice’ and dismiss you like you do me. I could say ‘get your ass to a gym’ ‘get out and meet people once in a while’ ‘then move out already’ and tell you it’s your choice to be where you are. But I don’t. I listen and say ‘oh yeah, that sucks’ because that’s sometimes what you need to hear.

I don’t need to be reminded that my own choices got me here. I know that. I know that everything going on in my life is what Pte Goof and I have made decisions about. I know this. You don’t need to tell me.

Kindest Regards,

Fable

Sorry about the negative post. I had intentions of writing about something else entirely until last night once again when I was just looking for a little sympathy all I get from my friends is ‘yeah, but, it’s your choice’. -F

Old Friends

So I have this friend. Well, maybe it would be more accurate to say I had a friend. We were super close in high school. Like crazy close. We went to youth group together. Always sat together if we were in the same class. I got her a job at the first farm I worked at. We loved working together. We shared so much with each other, there are many things she knows about me that even Miss Stiles doesn’t know. And there are many things I know about her. We were inseparable for a while.

We ended up at the same university (we did not plan this, it just happened). It was funny, because we were both living on campus (albeit at opposite ends, a bit of a hike) but we still saw less of each other. We were busy, classes, new friends, adjusting to life away from our parents, partying (on my part), praying (on hers). We still saw each other and got along really well.

This time in my life (as it is for many people) was when I started transitioning away from my religious roots. Throughout high school, I had been very religious, there were people who nicknamed me ‘churchy’.  This friend had been very accepting of my wavering ways. I never felt judged for drinking and partying, or not always going to church. We were still very open with each other. She knew all the ‘bad’ unchristianly things I was doing, and I knew the small deviances she partook in.

Then I decided that I had no idea what I wanted to do and school was a huge waste of money unless I had some direction. So she went back to school (equally direction-less, but her school was being paid for) and I went back to work full time. And as is so common we drifted. Neither of us are very good at keeping in touch, but when she came home to visit we’d sometimes get together and it felt like nothing had changed. She decided to delete her facebook, and msn, as they were too distracting from her studies. So the only way to talk to her was email, and I am horrible with email. This was probably 3 years ago…

Then I got pregnant. I don’t actually remember her reaction when I told her. She already knew I was having premarital sex. It didn’t seem to bother her. We did get together once when I was about 3 months pregnant. She was just a patient and accepting as always.

She then went on an exchange to Europe. She called me once, just after Pte Goof and I moved in together. Squirt was born while she was away. I never heard a thing from her. No call, no eamil, nothing. She knew. Her mom called her to tell her.

She came back to Ontario. Still nothing. Personally, if my very close friend had a baby while I was on another continent you can bet that would be one of the very first stops I’d make when I got home!! I kinda figured she was being her usual self, she’s a little antisocial at times (like deleting any way to get a hold of her).

So why am I telling you all this? Why now am I mentioning this? Well I found out yesterday evidently she’s back on facebook. I had no clue. She has it set so nobody can find her. She’ll only be your facebook friend if she asks you first. That doesn’t surprise me. Or that she didn’t ask me. What suprises me is how much it hurts that she didn’t .

Sand Monster

So a friend of mine is home this week visiting. You may remember her as Ms Determined’s best friend here. She called me up and we made plans to go for a walk.

The weather has been absolutely lovely (minus the whole weekend we visited Pte Goof when it was pissing rain and cold)! Squirt and I have enjoyed walks several times a week. So this friend (hmm… let’s call her Carnelian, like the colour (she’s white though, my town’s pretty darn white)) and I decided to meet up for a walk in this lovely weather.

And we discovered a park so close to our building it’s crazy I didn’t know it was there! So Carnelian and I took Squirt on the swings (he still prefers swinging on my lap in a big swing than in one of those baby swing) and down the slides and let him ride one of those horse thingies (what do you call those? they sit on a big spring in the sand, with handles, they’re not always horses… usually made of metal). He had such a good time despite his cold. and apparently he doesn’t like walking on sand (which was still pretty wet and springy). It was the funniest thing, he’d walk along the path, having a blast, then something would catch his eye and he’d take off not noticing the sand, then suddenly he’d realize he wasn’t on the pavement anymore and he’d stop dead. He’s kind of wiggle, like he was testing the sand, then he’d look around for me and say ‘up!’ We tried to encourage him to keep walking, but he’d only walk on the sand while holding my hand. Silly little guy.

Anyway, it was nice to get out of the apartment with a friend, and I’m so excited about the park so close!

And I almost forgot!! Squirt knows where his nose and his ears are! 🙂

It’s the Weekend…

But it doesn’t feel like it. The last 2 months of boot camp Pte Goof was home almost every single weekend. But now he’s in Manitoba, so it’s not like I can just drive out there and pick him up for a couple nights. So it doesn’t feel like the weekend and I miss him.

My best friend (who I vow will have a nickname soon here) is coming over today. And this may make me a horrible person but I don’t want her to. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’d just rather hang out here with Squirt and just be. I avoid her all the time. Which drives her crazy because she hates it when she calls and you don’t call her back within 10 minutes. She’s one of those people who feel like since you have a cell phone you should always be ready and waiting to take her calls and texts. and I’m just not like that. I don’t like being available 100% of the time. Sometimes I don’t want people to be able to get a hold of me. And the fact that she gets so upset when I don’t call her back right away makes me often ignore her calls for days in a row. Why do I do this? I don’t know. but I do.

So there you have it. I’m awful.