Pretty much since he went back out west they’ve had him up north on exercise. Had we still been together yesterday would have been the first time Squirt and I had seen him since the beginning of January. Because he’s back home now. Back in what was our apartment. Better yet he’s off work for a couple weeks. Right now we should be getting in all kinds of awesome family time. Instead I *know* his friends are dying to take him out as a single man. So instead of hanging out in our jammies and playing video games together he’s going to be going out. Single. And I’m obsessing about it. I can’t turn my damn brain off. I try and I try but my mind just won’t shut the hell up. How many days will it be before he’s bringing some other woman home to our apartment? To do things in our bed? On *my* sheets? Oh I know it is so *stupid* to be obsessing about this. I know that I am doing myself no good even thinking about it. But I just can’t help it. Since he was on his flight back home I have not been able to stop it. I’m driving myself absolutely insane. I know how these guys get when they’re out on exercise. I know how he will be when he comes home. It was usually the best sex we had. Only now he’ll be having it with someone else, and I just can’t handle it. How the hell do I turn my brain off? cause these days even wine won’t do it.


One response to “Title

  1. Oh Hun, I totally know the feeling. Many cyber hugs go out to you! I didn’t have as much time to dwell on my divorce, as I had two kiddos to take care of, but all I can say is that it does take time. I left my ex due to domestic abuse, and finally, after 4 years of the abuse, I left in 2010, and didn’t go back that time. I can tell you I missed him terribly, I still love him, in some ways, but now I’m finally done with him. I still find myself abstractly wondering who he brings home to the *home* we made, who he introduces our kids to when he does have them, and once in a while I still feel the jealousy of his *free* life. He doesn’t have to worry about all the things we single moms do when it comes to our kids.

    When you are ready, you’ll know it. I finally updated my blog, lol, after almost a year! And I’ve finally met someone who just turns my world upside down.

    Your marriage ended about a year after mine did, and it’s heart breaking to read it. You will get better with time. Just focus on Squirt, and take things one day at a time. 🙂 Good luck mama!

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