Monthly Archives: February 2011

This is Why I Get Grey Hairs

Perhaps someone out there can settle a little debate I’ve got going on here. You see, Pte Goof will not allow me to get one of those leashes for Squirt. You know, those kid leashes so the little rascals can’t get away from you. I know, I know, some people really hate these things for various reasons. I certainly wouldn’t want to use it all the time. But there are particular situations where I think one would be just lovely. Like at the beach. I could plunk down close to the water, give him enough leash that he can just get to the edge of the water, and then I could actually relax on the beach rather than spend the entire time corralling Squirt. I’d still be right there, pretty much within arm’s reach, hearing and seeing and supervising, but I could actually sit down. I’d still get up and play with him all the fun games we play together at the beach, but I’d be able to take 10 or 15 minutes to sit and enjoy watching him without him taking off on me. This is just one example of when I think a leash would just make my time so much more enjoyable.

Now. Pte Goof on the other hand. Well, no son of his is going to wear some leash like a tied up animal. I know that quite a few people feel this way. No amount of “But I want to be able to enjoy myself” or “You’re away so often [like all last year until Sept], it gets so tiring to always be the one chasing him” or “It’s not like I’d use it all the time, or that I’d ignore him when I do” will sway him.

But, there is one huge but here. But, he has absolutely no problem making. our. son. dance. for. treats. just. like. his. mom’s. stupid. dog. And I mean just the same. He uses things like grapes and holds them over Squirt’s head and tells him to dance for it. Now how on Earth can he possibly say I’m the one who wants to treat our son like an animal? Not only that, but when I pointed out how that was treating him like an animal, which is exactly why I was forbidden to get a leash, he refused to stop doing it.

Common, someone’s got to agree with me that if Goof can do something so degrading to the poor boy I should be able to buy a little sanity with a leash…?

On Relocating Difficulties

So, I haven’t talked too much about the move. You know, the one half-way across the country?

For various reasons I’ve shied away from the subject.

But it’s been incredibly hard on me. Right now I’m not working and I’m not on base and it’s been insanely hard to meet anyone. I’ve never had to try to make friends before. When you move as a kid (which I never did) or start at a new school (which I only did a couple of times) although it is hard to be the new person, you do get out and see people every single day. And although it can be very difficult to make friends at times (I was not well liked at my elementary school, and still carry deep scars from my time there), you at least interact and eventually, usually, you can find somebody with whom you have a little common ground. I’ve always managed to find at least one person to hang out and giggle with.

But here. Here is so different. Here I don’t know anyone, and my ways to meet them are limited. I only have a car about half the time (less lately). There’s no small town atmosphere that seems to lend itself to more instant camaraderie.  Squirt and I have been attending a toddler/baby group thing at the library, but that can only be done when we have the car, and even though we’ve been a few times, my attempts at conversation with the other moms never really get anywhere. I know I’m socially awkward, but really? No friends for me in a group of about 25 moms every week? Is it because I’m young? Do they judge me for having a baby “too young?” I don’t know.

I know all this is really a bunch of excuses for myself. If I really want some friends I should go out and get them!! But there’s more to it.

I’ve just been so sad since coming here. I’m mad at the army for plucking me from everything I know. I’m upset about the feeling of a lack of control over my life. Truth be told, sometimes I’m a little angry with Goof for being in the army. I’m not proud of it, but it’s the truth. I’m struggling with what feels like a million different things and sometimes it feels like they’re going drown me.

And all of this just makes it so much harder. Harder to get dressed. Harder to shower every day. Harder to get out of the house. Harder to take part in things. Harder to talk to people. Harder to be in groups. Harder to not panic when I say something stupid or awkward (which I always manage to do lol).

So, I have no friends.

Wow, this post was going to be about a walk I took with Squirt this morning, but holy cow, this is just where my fingers took me. I’m glad. I needed to get it out. I needed to complain. Thanks guys for being there to listen to me whine.

Dreamy Thoughts

Don’t you hate when you have such an awesome blog post idea in the middle of the night, and you repeat it to yourself like ten times so you’ll remember it, and yet, come morning it’s completely gone, except for the fact that you have that feeling that you had an awesome idea?

Yeah, I hate that too.

Not Much to Say…

I have some nasty nasty bug today. So far I haven’t puked, but I think that will come. So, go here and read this instead…