Selfish Me

Right at this very moment Pte Goof is in our living room typing up a request to go on Tour of Duty. Seriously. It just kills me that the one thing that he wants most in the world is the one thing that I don’t want more than anything. And I don’t fucking want to hear one more time that this is what I signed up for (not that any of you lovelies ever say that to me, and for that I thank you). Ok. Fuck. I know that when I decided to date a soldier that I faced these possibilities. I know that. But it wasn’t supposed to be long-term. He was going to go in for his first contract then get out. And we weren’t supposed to be long-term either. It was supposed to be a fling for the last bit of summer before I headed back to school. I wasn’t supposed to fall head over heels in love. And even once I did fall in love it was just supposed to be 5 years of the army, then he’d be home and I’d have babies and it would be wonderful. I wasn’t supposed to become pregnant. But now We’ve already got the baby and he wants to stay in the military as long as possible. Even more than that he just so badly wants to tour. And I just so badly don’t want him to. Why the hell is he out there writing to his higher ups begging for a chance to do the one thing that just may kill me? I can’t stand it. And it’s so selfish of me. And I feel horrible for it. It’s his dream. His dream of a life time. But I just don’t want it to happen. I fell horrible about myself for feeling this way. I don’t want to share him with our country. I want him home and safe with me and Squirt.


2 responses to “Selfish Me

  1. i’m no army wife and you know that, but i think most of you feel this way… going on a tour may have too high a cost, and if you really don’t support or understand this war (which, as you know, i personally don’t) it probably gets 10 times harder….

    if you’re unhappy, talk with him about it. Communication isthe base for a good relationship… even if it doesn’t stop him from doing this, he probably hasn’t taken how you feel about this into consideration… he does have a kid, and needs to protect him also

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