Monthly Archives: September 2010

Stuck

So… I haven’t been around, but I don’t need to tell you that, you already know that. Here’s the thing. I’m so incredibly stuck for blogging. And it all comes down to this whole anonymity thing. I’ve let my actual online personality and my blogging personality overlap too much. So now I feel too scared to blog because I really don’t know how to blog about certain things going on in my life, while not blogging about things that would open me wide and show (quite plainly) who I actually am.

See I started this blog anonymously for the specific purpose that I could blog about anything or anyone without hurting anybody. I want to be able to complain about my MIL or friends who I am finding frustrating without having to worry that they’re going to find it and be hurt (ok, so my MIL would never in a million years stumble across this blog, but other people in my life just might).  I’ve thought about just coming out and saying “hey, this is me” (A thought that excites me because then I could do things like post cute pics of Little Squirt), but then I think about the things I’ve said about Miss Stiles or my SIL, and the things I feel I might say one day, and then I think twice.

So I choose to remain anonymous, and leave this bit of internet as a safe place for me to talk about anything. But then I can’t really talk about anything because of the overlap that I have allowed to occur. People know things going on in my life, as my ‘real’ self, and I get scared about talking about them here . Scared that people will make the connection (if they haven’t already).

And so silence here and confusion and indecision in my head.

Sorry, this post is kind of a big mess that goes in circles… welcome to my thought process.

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Sick and Tired

I’m sick of being an adult. I’m sick of having responsibilities only to let everyone down. I’m sick of trying to pull everything together. I’m sick of fighting with Pte Goof because I can’t get my act together. I’m sick of worrying that I’m going to cause Squirt harm in some way because I can’t just grow the fuck up. I’m sick of disappointing Pte Goof. I’m sick of disappointing myself. I’m sick of trying to keep track. I’m sick of constantly loosing track.

I’m tired of pretending to be on top of shit. I’m tired of pretending I’m grown up. I’m tired of pretending to be responsible. I’m tired of pretending I’m grown up. I’m tired of pretending I’m mature. I’m tired of pretending that I know what I’m doing. I’m tired of pretending that I’m in control. I’m tired of pretending that I have any fucking clue how to work life. I’m tired of pretending that I can do it. I’m tired of pretending that I’m capable. I’m just tired of pretending.

I’m sorry for this. I shouldn’t post when mad.