I’m sure we’ve all heard about the working mom who feels guilty for doing so. Not that all working moms do, or even that they should, but often a mom who works outside the home carries around the guilt of missing out things with their children. They miss milestones, smiles, cuddles. I think a mom who can juggle a career and children is an amazing woman! I’m not sure I could do it to be honest.
But I’ve had a different kind of guilt lately. Because I am home. I don’t miss anything. I’ve been by Squirts side pretty much since the moment he was born. I’m lucky that we can (just) afford to do this. Pte Goof and I have decided that as long as it works, I can stay home. But I feel guilty for staying home. If I were to work, we could afford more. If I were to work we could go out more often. If I were to work I could spoil Squirt a little more. If I worked, we’d save up for a wedding and a house quicker.
I guess it’s a classic grass is always greener on the other side type deal. You go to work you feel guilty for how much your kids miss out on you. You stay home you feel guilty for how much your kids miss out in other advantages. And it’s not just about stupid stuff that doesn’t matter. Money can’t buy you happiness, but I sometimes feel like maybe I’m doing Squirt a disservice by staying home instead of it being good for him.
And I know. Money is only money, and stuff is only stuff. There will be plenty of time for these things later on. There’s no replacing this amazing time in Squirt’s life. I know all this. This is why I am home. But I still feel like all these ways that I have to be so careful with our money in some ways isn’t fair to Squirt.
And in some ways Pte Goof too. He grew up in a family where, although they weren’t rich, they pretty much bought what they wanted when they wanted. Going from that (and a mother who, although making him get a job and earn money, taught him no money management or how to save) to being out on our own with a kid a little money has been a hard transition for him. I’m a saver. I really am. If I can save a buck, you bet I will. But I grew up this way. So it hasn’t been so hard for me. Pte Goof on the other hand… let’s just say it’s been an adjustment.
So I feel guilty. I feel like if I was making a little money, I could spoil Squirt more, and Pte Goof could buy more of the things that he wants. Heck, I could buy more shoes 😉