So I had a bit of a break down yesterday.
You see, naturally the internet was covered in Remembrance and Veteran’s Day stuff. Which is good. It’s important for people to pay their respects. To take the time to remember. But it all got to me. People talking about the sacrifice, the soldier’s we’ve lost, the families stuck at home. And it made me think. And I just got thinking I don’t want to do this. This whole military life. I don’t want to do it. I can do it… I WILL do it, but I don’t want to. I don’t want to move all over. I don’t want the military to dictate when I can and can’t see Pte. Goof. I don’t want to have to let him go over seas for months at a time. I don’t want to sit at home while he’s over seas scared at any second that I’m going to get the call. I don’t want to do any of it. I don’t want to share my Love with my country. Call me selfish, but that’s how it is.
I finally had to force myself off the computer. To stop myself from sitting there and bawling while I wallowed in self pity. The thoughts were simply not helpful. Why me? Why did I have to go fall for this boy? Why did this boy have to me such a military nut? But even after I got off the computer I couldn’t stop crying. I cried so hard. All because I don’t want this. I don’t want to be a military wife.
I mean, I will do it. I have to. I love Pte Goof and he loves the military. I just don’t want to.