Every Shade of Blue

Remember that song? It’s on ‘Dance Mix ’96’ one of my all time fav albums EVER!

Ok, so I haven’t been completely honest with you guys, but it was all in the name of anonymity I swear! Pte Goof actually proposed to me over a year ago. We were finances.  But then just before he left when we had all this trouble, he kinda said he didn’t want to marry me. Or rather, even worse I “wasn’t the kind of person he wanted to marry” So he kinda left without a clear definition. So tonight I asked him “when you talk to people, I know that most of the time you refer to me as ‘the wife’ but when you’re being really serious, what do you call me?”  and he said “well I always call you the wife”. so I said, “but if you weren’t calling me that, what would you call me? your financee or your girlfriend?” and he was still all like “well I call you ‘the wife'”  And I said, “ok, but if you were talking to ‘the officer’ (his bff, future OPP) what would you call me?” and he’s like “Fable” and I’m like “ok, but if he said something, or asked, would you call me your girlfriend or your fiancee” and here’s where he just killed me “well I’d say you’re my girlfriend,  just as you are” Internet, I ask you, why am I still waiting around for this? I’ve been calling him my fiance all this time to everyone so nobody would judge him, but apparently he doesn’t think that that is what he is. WHY AM I STILL HERE? I sit here, bottle of rum at my side (I don’t do this often, and don’t worry, in 4 hours when I need to feed the Squirt, I’ll give him formula instead of bfing, so I don’t poison him) crying my eyes out. Why can he not just love me like he used to? why can he not just love me like I love him? Oh my fucking God, why the hell is this so damn hard?!?!

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2 responses to “Every Shade of Blue

  1. I wish I knew the words that would make you feel better 😦 I have no idea what to tell you. I wish you lived closer so we could go out and grab coffee and somehow get your mind off the things that aren’t happening yet.

    My sister waited around for 7 years to get a ring – she’s happily married to him now and they’re having a baby in December. My other sister is still waiting around for a ring. He loves her so much, but he is afraid to get married because he is an only child who’s parents divorced when he was young and that’s all he knew about marriage. Matt proposed to me in December (two months after I found out I was pregnant). My point is that every guy is different, every guy has different ideals and some take longer than others, some just aren’t the marrying type for whatever reason.

    I hope he comes to his senses soon!

    *hugs*

  2. Thanks, it’s not so much the waiting, I mean he WAS sure, and now he’s not. It’s all just terrifying.

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