Don’t you hate when you have such an awesome blog post idea in the middle of the night, and you repeat it to yourself like ten times so you’ll remember it, and yet, come morning it’s completely gone, except for the fact that you have that feeling that you had an awesome idea?
Yeah, I hate that too.
So, I’ve decided that I’m going to just sit down at the computer and type and see what comes out, I half expect that in the end it will be garbage and will rot in my drafts folder, but if you’re reading this I must have decided that it was at least ok enough to post (or I just posted it even if it wasn’t ok lol).
When I was quite little, probably about 8 I always thought about how when we paint rooms over and over they get smaller and smaller. My parents never had much money for redecorating, but every few years we kids we allowed to pick out a paint colour and we’d paint our rooms. My room went through about 5 different pinks before I went with a really pretty lilac colour that didn’t change until I moved in with Pte Goof and my little brother moved into that room and painted it dark blue. (I have twin brothers, have I ever mentioned that?). Anyways, as a kid this painting making a room smaller thing was something that I thought of quite a bit. I was pretty silly and was all convinced I’d drop that knowledge on an adult one day and they’d be all impressed that I had come up with such brilliance.
Then one day commercials were on TV for Seinfeld reruns. And there was Kramer, spouting off my theory! I knew from then on that if I ever shared this theory with anyone, they would assume that I had gotten it from Seinfeld! They wouldn’t think I was some brilliant prodigy, but just some kid who watched tv. Like there aren’t millions and millions of them! I was so mad!
It still bugs me a little bit. I don’t really know why, probably just leftover indignation from my childhood self.
Well there you have it folks. Probably the randomest and dullest story ever written, but I’m going to hit publish anyway…
So, ever since I posted that I thought that I was done with this blog I’ve had that itch. If you blog you know that one that I’m talking about. The itch that makes one want to blog in the first place. So, I’m going to see where this takes me. I’m not going to pressure myself. If I don’t feel like blogging I won’t. Simple as that. I won’t feel bad about it if I’m away for a while (ok, well I’m sure I’ll still feel bad, but I won’t let it get to me so badly that I feel like I simply can’t sit down and write).
When I do feel like blogging I will. I think I’m going to stick more with little snippets rather than long posts. Just seems to suit my mood lately . I know that much of my lack of blogging has come from not being sure what to share and what not to share, but also from the fact that I feel like unless I write a long(ish) post, what’s the point? Focusing on shorter snippets will solve both those problems as I’m less likely to over-share in a short post, and if I’m only planning on shorter posts, I won’t feel bad about not writing long ones. (Mind you, who knows how long that will last, next week I could feel like writing entire novellas every time I sit down haha).
So, we shall see where this leads.
So I just realized yesterday that my blog will be turning one tomorrow! (which, by the way, I’m still not sure what I’m going to do to celebrate that… I’m open for suggestions). Because I realized this I took a little trip down memory lane and read a few of my very first posts. This is what struck me. Holy crap, Pte Goof and I are doing so much better! I mean, we’re still having a little trouble with things. We’re both hot headed and stubborn, but wow, when I started this blog I was almost at my whits end with things. Really, that’s why I started this blog. I just couldn’t handle all the stress and didn’t feel like I had anybody to confide in.
This all got me thinking. Maybe that’s why I’ve been so bad with the blogging lately. I don’t need it like I used to. I mean, I still have tons of troubles and stresses, and this blog can still be a wonderful outlet, but I’m not quite so ready to crumble as I was when I started this a year ago. This makes me a little sad. Obviously it’s a good thing if my relationship with Goof isn’t nearly as bad and strained as it was back then, but I don’t want to out grow this little peice of internet I love so much.
I guess I need to think about what I want this blog to be now. It’s no longer about how Pte Goof doesn’t want to marry me. I no longer feel like I can share just anything. So what is this blog now? Why do I still need this in my life?
I’m not sure.
So… I haven’t been around, but I don’t need to tell you that, you already know that. Here’s the thing. I’m so incredibly stuck for blogging. And it all comes down to this whole anonymity thing. I’ve let my actual online personality and my blogging personality overlap too much. So now I feel too scared to blog because I really don’t know how to blog about certain things going on in my life, while not blogging about things that would open me wide and show (quite plainly) who I actually am.
See I started this blog anonymously for the specific purpose that I could blog about anything or anyone without hurting anybody. I want to be able to complain about my MIL or friends who I am finding frustrating without having to worry that they’re going to find it and be hurt (ok, so my MIL would never in a million years stumble across this blog, but other people in my life just might). I’ve thought about just coming out and saying “hey, this is me” (A thought that excites me because then I could do things like post cute pics of Little Squirt), but then I think about the things I’ve said about Miss Stiles or my SIL, and the things I feel I might say one day, and then I think twice.
So I choose to remain anonymous, and leave this bit of internet as a safe place for me to talk about anything. But then I can’t really talk about anything because of the overlap that I have allowed to occur. People know things going on in my life, as my ‘real’ self, and I get scared about talking about them here . Scared that people will make the connection (if they haven’t already).
And so silence here and confusion and indecision in my head.
Sorry, this post is kind of a big mess that goes in circles… welcome to my thought process.
I’ve never read this blog before, but I may start. This post was passed along to me and I think it’s beautiful.
p.s. I hope to be back soon with posts that are more than a few sentences long!
I seem to be writing and writing drafts these days. Starting bits and pieces that I want to write but don’t have the time to finish. Or I can’t find the right words. The good news is that I’m actually writing more than I have been in a very long time, but the bad news is I have posted less… (although a little more the past couple days).
But the bug has bit me once more, so hopefully you guys will start to see all these random things sitting in my drafts folder out here. I love how this blog just lets me get out whatever is sitting on mu shoulders that day. As Jess always says, it’s way cheaper than therapy!
Wow! Once again I have been given an award. And once again, I took FOREVER to get to it. But I swear it’s not cause I’m ungrateful. I was given this one not once, but twice! So thank-you ladies! I love that you both thought of me 
. And I’m very sorry it took me so long to finally acknowledge that you guys awarded it to me!
As per usual with these fun blogish awards, there are a few rules. This one has pretty standard ones
So, one more time, thank-you so much Jess and Paula. You ladies are the reason I’m here in this lovely blogyland!
Seven things:
1. I’m SUCH a procrastinator! It’s ridiculous (see always taking forever to get to award posts!). My apartment totally suffers for it. It such a mess at this very moment I would be embarrassed if even Pte Goof saw it.
2. I often have a very hard time letting an argument end. I feel like I always have to ‘win’ and this leads to some insanely ridiculous fights! I’m really working on this though, and I think I’m improving.
3. I’m obsessed with remembering everything, I wish I could remember my entire childhood. I’m constantly thinking to myself, remember this moment.
4. Ever since reading Fifth business in 12th grade Robertson Davies has been one of my very favourite authors.
5. As a kid I fell down entire flights of stairs twice, out of trees, on big rocks, and I never broke a bone until I fell off the school bus in gr 9
6. Music is everything. I love how many connections I have to songs, for times in my life, for certain people, for places, for emotions, it’s all music
7. I was totally having a writer’s block moment while coming up with these 7 things, but I finally sat down to write this post, so I really wanted to get it done (I feel bad every time I post something else and haven’t done the award post yet, and I have drafts piling up!), so I stole a lot of them (almost all) from an old Facebook meme. I wrote it just over a year ago, and I can’t believe how much of it is no longer true already!
Now, the passing it on part. Once again, I waited too long. I’m not even kidding you when I tell you that every single person I would have nominated has been already, some of them multiple times! Sigh, I need to do these things a little quicker!
So Hello there.
I’ve been gone SO long, I know. And it wasn’t even announced. I’m sorry. Forgive me?
So what has happened since I blogged last? Well tons and at the same time nothing at all. There hasn’t been too much that I felt blog worthy as of last (part of the reason for all the silence). I’ve visited Pte Goof twice, and he’s come home twice since then (I know, we’ve seen so much of him lately! It’s been awesome!). Squirt’s growing like crazy. We’re at the point that anyone who sees little kids regularly upon finding out how old is he say ‘Wow, he sure is tall!’ (which my mom says she got all the time when I was a his age, and I’m pretty tall now). Pte Goof and I went to a stag and doe of some mutual friends, and I got completely hammered. Like the drunkest I have ever been in my entire life. I made a fool of myself. Hmm… but that’s about it.
Goof just came home for the long weekend. The weather was gorgeous and we had an absolutely lovely weekend. I just got back from dropping him off where he was meeting his friend for a ride back (yay for that, save us the $60 bus and $20 cab it takes for him to get back to base! both ways!!). Poor squirt. He’s starting to get it. He’s beginning to understand that when we say ‘bye-bye’ to daddy it’ll be a long time before we see him again. He cried and cried as Pte Goof drove away. Broke my heart twice. Once cause he was leaving, once cause it made Squirt so sad.
I’ll try to be back again soon! I don’t know what it is, when I’ve been away a while it’s so hard to start again… but once I’m here it’s like, wow! I’ve missed this!!
Well then! A real live first ever award! Thank-you so much dear! It meant so much I may have teared up a bit when I read that! This whole blogging thing has been wonderful, and much of that is thanks just to you my dear! I love this little bit of internet I call my own, and you make it all the more wonderful! Thank-you! Thank-you! you made my day!
Now, as usual there are a few rules to accompany this little award (but we all know rules were meant to be broken):
So. One more time, thank-you lovely you’ve made my blogging experience so far!
Seven Things:
Ok, as for passing it on… I’m totally going to cop out on that (I know, I’m lame). I’m really out of the loop right now, the only one I know for sure I’d like to nominate is my dear over here, and as you know, she was already nominated lol.
